On August 28th, my wife lost her job. 24 hours later, I lost mine. This blog is a continuation of the day-by-day chronicling of our emotional journey back to employment. This is bound to be upsetting, hilarious and hopeful.
August 30, 2014
The Facebook messages didn’t stop during the overnight. A lot of people seemed to think that playing Settlers of Catan would somehow alleviate the stress and tragedy of this week’s double job loss, as though a simple game among friends could have the power to stave off emotional darkness and too easy cynicism.
Smart, smart people. I love tabletop gaming and so does my wife, so we were all in on that.
I decided to do an accounting today. I think the secret to happiness is gratitude–the mere act of being grateful requires positive reflection so being grateful for everything is the one guaranteed way to be happy–so I wanted to be sure and think back over the previous 24 hours and consider the ways in which we’d been blessed. Here’s the list I came up with:
1. Warm cookies.
2. Many lovely private messages of support.
3. Erin’s father, Dale, a world class runner, ditched his race in SoCal to come up to be with us.
4. Offer of free massages.
5. Offer of legal help.
6. Sound unemployment advice from people who definitely KNOW what they’re talking about. I’m excited to take advantage of the mortgage insurance on our FHA loan. Apparently, we can get the next six months paid for.
7. Free babysitting so we could go out with my brother and his wife while they’re in town (they’re kind about the negative impact our troubles are having on their vacation, but I feel terrible they have to put up with our feelings when they should be relaxing).
8. Free ice cream, courtesy of my brother and his wife.
9. Offer of cold, hard cash.
10. Leads on potential freelance jobs.
11. Warm hugs. (My girls watch ‘Frozen’ nonstop. All hugs are warm.)
12. Praises we don’t deserve. Seriously, you’d think my wife and I were Gods who could call down fire from the mountain for all the confidence and faith people have in us to pull out of this.
13. Prayers on our behalf.
14. Service in the Church Vineyard. Erin and Elora, our oldest, went to pick grapes in the early AM. The grapes are turned into raisins and then used for relief efforts. For Erin, rendering that service was exactly what she needed. It felt good and took the focus off our troubles for a while.
15. Free horseback riding for our daughter with special needs, Cami. We go out to the Heart of the Horse Therapy Ranch every Saturday morning and it’s always free. Never been more grateful for than than today.
16. Offer to pay for Violet’s preschool. Violet is our youngest. She started preschool for the first time this week. If there was anything Erin was most stressed about, it was having to tell Violet she wouldn’t be able to go back as we cut back on expenses. A kind relative stepped forward and didn’t give us a choice–Violet’s preschool WILL be paid for.
17. A meal we didn’t have to cook or buy.
* * *
I’ve been struggling all day between peace and panicking. There are moments when it hits me that soon I won’t know how to pay for things and I just want to run away. We went over to my Mom’s today and she asked me how I was doing and I snapped at her that I felt “terrible because I lost my job,” as if she didn’t know. I had to apologize to her later. Thankfully, that’s not my disposition most of the time.
Most of the time, I feel good. I feel relieved to be separated from a job that was increasingly an ill fit and I feel grateful to be moving on to something new. Hopefully, that ‘new’ is not homelessness.
We got one last blessing today, very late at night. I got a text from a friend to check the porch, and this is what I found: