Day 39 – Losing a Friend and Impatience with the Rest

On August 28th, my wife lost her job. 24 hours later, I lost mine. This blog is a continuation of the day-by-day chronicling of our emotional journey back to employment. This is bound to be upsetting, hilarious and hopeful.

Monday – October 6, 2014

Screen Shot 2014-10-13 at 12.30.10 AMI finally figured out I lost one of my very good friends after he unfriended me on Facebook. I pleaded with him to tell me what I had done or how I had offended him, just so I could apologize. I can’t imagine what I’ve done–I’ve thought and thought and thought about it and I can’t come up with anything–but I’m willing to entertain the possibility that I’ve done something. He is silent. He will not return my calls or my emails. One day he was my friend, now he is not. And I don’t know why.

Today, he sent me a brief, factual email on a particular point having nothing to do with our friendship. There were no details, no explanations. I have lost a friend. And I don’t know why.

Additionally:

One of Erin’s opportunities, the one that looked the most promising, may have in fact been a scam. She can only get a voice mail when she calls the place, no matter the time of day. They’ve vanished. She did some research only to find that the circumstances surrounding her interview mirror some hiring scams other “businesses” have pulled. It’s a discouraging thing to be jerked around like that. We really had a lot of hope for this one. And we still don’t know how her San Francisco audition went.

All of this is probably why I felt so raw today, and I should have known better than to try to engage with people.

I got uncharacteristically tired of people’s advice and was probably more impatient on Facebook than I should have been. This is stupid because we all know Facebook is laced with an addictive chemical that spurs aggression (they’ve tested monkeys on this) and I know by sharing my garbage in this blog that I’m inviting people to give advice on how to clean it up–and usually I’m way cool with that–but today I just had my fill of all of it.

All that said, I still ill-advisedly offer the following by way of your enlightenment as to just what the heck I’m talking about:

The Facebook conversation had a lot to do with how I interact with God. People were imploring me to temper my expectations of answers to prayer. They told me to not necessarily anticipate an answer, that when it comes down to it I may just have to make a decision about where to work and where to live. Jobs come and go anyway, so it may not even be that important. They were speaking from their own experiences and I respect that, but I just can’t pray like that.

I can’t pray thinking the answer may or may not come. I know that’s sometimes the case–sometimes God’s silence is what we need, but to actively engage with that possibility WHILE praying and trying to utilize my faith, no, I can’t do that. I believe God is compelled by faith. I believe–and have seen–that when faith is sufficient he cannot hold back from revealing Himself.

Now, that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to submit to silence. I’m willing to submit to whatever I need to in order to endure properly this trial of unemployment, but I also know my past experiences in seeking answer to prayer. I know how God communicates with me, and I will put my faith towards a definitive answer. I can’t muster up faith for anything else.

There’s a story in the Book of Mormon of a young prophet, Nephi, whose brothers bound him with cords (his brothers were jerks). Nephi prayed to God that he could “burst” the cords and assert proper control of the situation, but instead God made the cords loose and they fell off instead. That was fine. It got the job done, but it’s clear Nephi had the faith to break the cords. The Lord simply went a different, less demonstrative way.

If God needs to do the same to me, I will submit, but meanwhile I wanna burst me some cords.

After a day like today, I wanna burst a whole bunch of cords.

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17 comments

  1. You know what: The meaning of friendship is to be there for each other no matter what. To accept each other the way they are and to accept how they handle things. If you loose a friend because he struggles with the point you are at the moment or the way you handle things, then he was never a true friend and actually you should consider yourself lucky that he is no longer part of your life. Years ago I got back stabbed by a person I considered a true friend… It was really hard. But I am glad it happened. This person is no longer part of my life and can no longer do damage. And I learned a valuable lesson: I learned who my true friends are!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree with all of this. If a friend could just leave my life like this, then perhaps I am far better off without him.

      What I don’t want is to become cynical and be gunshy about gaining new friends. I probably won’t. That’s not really me and I’ve had plenty of friends over the years who never did anything like this, so this is just an anomaly as far as I’m concerned.

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      1. Exactly. But I think you realise earlier if a new friendship is okay to develop into a deeper friendship or not. At least I hope so. I am not hiding. Love interaction with people and making new friends. But I might step slower and more careful.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Friends stick with you in the worse of times. Acquaintances drop off when the relationship gets hard. You did not ask for money. Therefore the person who disproved of you wanted only to associate with winners in an effort to look cool. But friends handle the uncool. Advice is nice but if it is not productive it is of little value. Take your assets and continue on the path. Good luck.

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    1. Thanks, awax. I suspect the “unfriending” is unrelated to my current job woes, but who knows? I certainly didn’t see this person as just an acquaintance, and I know he didn’t either. Makes it all the more perplexing.

      Advice is always great because it simply means people care if it means nothing else. 99% of the time, I’ll take it to heart. I was just having a bad day.

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  3. I’m really sorry this happened to you. I hope you don’t let it keep you from embracing new people and making new friends. When one door closes, another opens. You’ve lived long enough to know that. Still, I know it’s frustrating and you do feel wronged by this. I think, though, that perhaps you do have enough to concentrate on without having to figure out someone else’s temper tantrum over something so obviously small that you can’t even fathom it after thinking about it. Face forward and be yourself. It’s the best (and only) way you can move on.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. My grandfather had two sisters. Tillie and Rae. For some reason, I don’t recall why, he had a falling out with Tillie that ran deep.

    Rae was the first to pass, and to keep him and Tillie separated at the funeral, we were seated with Rae’s children in a small family room off to the side of the chapel and Tillie was seated in the chapel.

    As we’re waiting for the last people to file in and the service to start, Tillie’s voice rings out in the chapel: “I hate you, Irving!”

    “I hate you back, Tillie!”

    At their sister’s funeral.

    IMO, this puts losing a friend in perspective.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I completely agree with you. What’s the point in prayer if you don’t expect answers? I have on occasion been in the position of hearing silence…. but after waiting entirely too long, realized that was my answer. I’ll be honest, it shook me up. It changed the way I prayed after that (in a way that I did not like, and a way that wasn’t right). I had to relearn how to expect answers. Because that is what faith is, right? Expecting that Heavenly Father is an actual Being that you can have a personal, daily relationship with. I don’t think He wants us to expect His silence. And I struggle sometimes reverting back to praying without truly asking for something specific… afraid to ask and afraid of silence. But I force myself to claw out of that predicament.
    Have I shared too much, or made no sense? Your blog feels like a much safer place to share than Facebook!

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    1. You’ve made complete sense to me, Kathryn. I’ve had the same struggle at one time or another and it’s all part of the learning process, I think. Our faith is rewarded, and then it is not and God finds out if we REALLY believe. The trick is not giving up before He shows up again.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh I am sorry you lost a friend. I don’t really understand the prayer thing, whatever gets you through then that’s Ok. for you (IMO) … but as others have said I also found out who my true friends were in a time of adversity and also as others have said you are now gaining a friend in England.
    I am also sorry about Erins scam, makes me angry that people can exploit others at their most vulnerable. Grrrr! Love Denise

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